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My Ngala • View topic - Toilet Training

Toilet Training

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These forums are being moderated by Ngala Online. Questions posted will be answered by a Ngala parenting professional. They are open for use to all residents of Australia.

Toilet Training

Postby mattam66 » Tue 28 Feb, 2012 4:07 pm

I have a 3 1/2 year old boy who is still at the beginning of toilet training. In 2011 November he asked to sit on the toilet (after I announced that I needed to go) and we all got excited and supportive. That lasted for quite a few days but he did not wee on the toilet at all. We would go every hour or so but after a few days seemed to react to me saying time to go to toilet now and would say no. initially he sat there reading a magazine or something but then the ‘novelty’ wore off and he didn’t want to do it anymore. Just after Christmas had a successful transition into jocks (after a few failed attempts) but would always wet his jocks. He then got gastro for a week and that seemed to regress him. After holidays we reintroduced jocks and was happy to put them on himself (with help).I started off by asking him if he wants to go to the toilet...he always says no. obviously. I changed tact and say to him its time to go to the toilet and he says no…I try to be positive upbeat and encourage and ask him again and he says he doesn’t need to. (meanwhile i had been watching his toileting behaviour and can hold his wees for many hours so would recognise when he needed to wee - crossing his legs, holding himself) He would not go and then minutes go by and I’ve gone out of the room and he will be squatting on the floor or standing there weeing on the floor or even just lay there and wet himself on the chair. I would tell him, we’ll try again next time won’t we and he would say yes. And that the floor isn’t where we go to the toilet and that he needs to tell us when he has wet himself. (he wont tell me that he has weed or pooed) This was a consistent behaviour for 2 weeks with wees and poos. If I started questioning him about going (knowing that it had been hours since he had been) he had held his wee so long he became very agitated and began crying (then proceeded to wee on floor) despite my best efforts to get him on the toilet. He has since started kindergarten and wearing pull ups, the teachers have been trying to encourage him to the toilet (and he has sat down twice) but beyond that will not engage them in his toileting. I have been to a Ngala workshop recently and they said to give it a rest for 2 weeks and not mention anything and slowly introduce it again in conversation, read books about it etc. He is quite stubborn and can get quite anxious at certain things. I would like to know what's the best approach for getting him to tell me that he is going to wee/poo. Thank you so much for your guidance.
mattam66
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue 14 Feb, 2012 10:52 pm

Re: Toilet Training

Postby NgalaOnline » Thu 01 Mar, 2012 9:31 am

Hi Mattam66
Thanks for your post. It sounds like you have been doing a great job in responding to your little boy's toileting journey so far. It is helpful to remember at this time that your toddler needs to bring many skills and areas of development together in order to be successful with toileting. This can be hard for children and can take them some time to fully master. Remaining patient and positive with him during this time, even in the face of frustrations, is important and should eventually lead to success! It does sound as if you are doing this, so if you can continue remaining patient with the process this should help your little boy feel more and more confident.
Toddlers are driven to try to be independent and autonomous and also like to be in control of certain aspects of their life. Toddlers can quickly realise that toileting is one of few areas that they have full control over. For these reasons it is best to avoid conflict or putting a lot of pressure (positive or negative) on the child to toilet. Conflict over the issue can sometimes result in a little bit of anxiety around toileting and you mention that your little boy is getting a little anxious at times. As you mention, stepping back and giving a little more time can help reduce that pressure and then you can reintroduce small steps as the weeks go on.
You said in your post that you would like to know the best approach for “getting him to let you know that he is going to do a wee or a poo” Perhaps the very first stage is to look at encouraging him to tell you that he has actually had a wee or a poo in the first place (wherever this may be!) If this happens perhaps try to reduce your involvement in the clean up, for e.g. putting him up on a nice comfortable change table and having a little talk and cuddles etc. Instead you could think about leading him gently into the toilet and cleaning him there and asking him to help you get some toilet paper, flush the toilet, wash his hands etc. Again if this process can be done without too much attention it should help refocus the toilet as the “place to be” without there being too much pressure as you are assisting him but he is also involved. From there you would hope that he will become more confident in telling you, or recognising that he needs to do something having a wee or a poo. Sometimes time alone assists with this process.
If you do feel that you would like to discuss this further perhaps you would like to consider a consultation or a phone consultation at Ngala so you can explore your ideas in more detail. Talking through some ideas can often help reduce the pressure that you may both be feeling about toileting. If you are interested in this service please contact the Ngala Helpline on 9368 9368.
Good luck.
This information is general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for the personalized assistance that can be received from the Ngala Helpline by telephone.

For families residing in Western Australia you can also contact the
Ngala Helpline
Telephone 9368 9368 or 1800 111 546 for country access
Available 7 days a week, 8am to 8pm
or request a callback online

For helplines in other Australian states please follow this link
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Re: Toilet Training

Postby mattam66 » Wed 14 Mar, 2012 11:31 am

Thank you for your response. It feels good to know that I'm doing the right thing.

In the last few weeks we’ve had a few minor accomplishments in that he
• has wiped his bottom a number of times he’s done poos (Had been really really anxious until that point about poo falling onto the ground out of his pullups/jocks) and told me the other day that he actually had just pooed which is a huge step. (he still won’t tell me when he has done a wee)
• He has then asked if he could wee in the shower drain (when he has a shower at night) a couple of times now.
• When we were at the shops yesterday he was squatting on the ground, when i asked if he was weeing he said no and then said, if we do wees at the shops we then have to go home to change our pants don't we...i explained that we would find a toilet at the shops etc.
For the fact that he is opening up about it I am guessing is a huge thing for him.
For about 4 months I have being doing all our nappy changes standing up in the toilet area (for both kids, my daughter is 2) and so they are both now involved in their toileting, ie pulling down pants, flushing toilet, wiping bottoms, washing hands etc, going to get their nappies/pullups.
The kindergarten have asked what they can do extra to help....they don't pressure him in going, on the odd occasion he has gone into the cubicle and sat down on the toilet but nothing has happened. They have drawn up a picture chart to show what steps to take in the toilet for him and praise him etc when he does sit on the toilet but they do not want to be seen doing anything contrary to what we are doing at home. I have outlined what I have done by contacting Ngala, doing workshop etc and basically that we are doing the slow and steady approach and not pressuring him. Is there any more that they can be assisting with.

The link missing is him doing a wee/poo and telling us that it is happening/just happened.

Thank you again for your ongoing support with this. It is greatly appreciated and has relieved so much anxiety and stress.
mattam66
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue 14 Feb, 2012 10:52 pm

Re: Toilet Training

Postby NgalaOnline » Thu 15 Mar, 2012 9:38 am

Hello mattam66
It is so lovely to hear that with your gentle and encouraging approach you have helped your little boy to take some big steps forward. It is also great that you feel that some stress and anxiety around toileting has been relieved over the last few weeks. Each step that your little boy takes will help him become more confident and less anxious about toileting. With this in mind it sounds as if you are doing a wonderful job and perhaps continuing with this gentle approach, without pressure will lead to more and more success over the coming weeks. We would certainly suggest that you have some good strategies in place. Keep up the great work.
I do note that in both of you posts you feel that the missing link is your little boy telling you that he needs a wee or a poo. It would seem that gradually he is starting to also do this, by opening up about toileting, as you mention in the recent post. Again, this is a small step, but a really important one for you both. If you can keep up you patient and nurturing approach we would hope that he may continue to become more and more confident with talking to you about his toileting. Following his lead, and guiding him gently should really help him on his journey.
Hope things continue to move along so well for you both.
This information is general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for the personalized assistance that can be received from the Ngala Helpline by telephone.

For families residing in Western Australia you can also contact the
Ngala Helpline
Telephone 9368 9368 or 1800 111 546 for country access
Available 7 days a week, 8am to 8pm
or request a callback online

For helplines in other Australian states please follow this link
User avatar
NgalaOnline
 
Posts: 530
Joined: Tue 07 Dec, 2010 8:42 am


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